Answering “25 Tragically Uncool Things Baby Boomers Won’t Let Die”

Because dear husband cannot resist clickbait, he checked out this post, which was in his Facebook feed. I guess that’s another uncool thing we won’t let die: Facebook.

Anyway, to save you the clicks, here is the list. My quips are in blue.

  1. Diamonds – “Did you know that most jewels are a scam? People purposefully keep the stones out of the market to drive the prices up. Think of all the student loans you could pay off with the money spent on diamonds.” Oh, you mean YOUR student loans? I never had a student loan, and I like shiny things. 
  2. Golf – “This is the most boring sport in the world, it hurts your back, and apparently it only exists as some sort of status symbol. Plus you have to spend tons of money just to start? No thanks.” Ok, I’ll give you this one. Not all boomers like funny, matching outfits and walking around on grass for hours. But we did like “Caddyshack!”
  3. The Mall. “You can buy everything you want online without any need to go into a crowded store with a terrible parking lot.” Um. The mall parking lots are huge and I can ALWAYS find a spot that I don’t have to pay for. Just stop and smell the Cinnabon. Also, people just steal stuff from your porch if you order online.
  4. Plain toast. “Make fun of our avocado toast made on artisan bread all you want. But do you know what sucks? Plain, dry toast on boring white sandwich bread.” Ok, this is true. But who eats it that way past the age of 2?
  5. 24 Hour News Networks – “It’s basically just trash for your brain.” YEP, so who’s watching it? Not me. I include CNN and MSNBC, too, not just Fox.
  6. Yahoo! – “Who even uses Yahoo! as a search engine or an email address? Oh yeah, baby boomers.” I don’t know. Maybe the reeeeeally old ones. I don’t know one person who uses Yahoo.
  7. Crocs – ” I don’t care HOW comfortable they are. They still look ridiculous.” They’re cool for nurses when they’re on the job. Don’t have them, and I never had jelly shoes in the 80’s either.
  8. Reader’s Digest – “Is there something great about Reader’s Digest that makes every single baby boomer jump with joy?” Our grandparents liked it. I had no idea it was still around, and I’m too busy searching on Yahoo and watching 24 hour news.
  9. Ironing – “It’s so boring. I’d rather let my clothes be a touch wrinkled than spend time ironing everything I own.” Oh, lazy!
  10. Jorts – “To go with your Crocs, I guess.” And our Member’s Only Jackets! Rilly, those need to have the hem cut off so we can make the fringe.
  11. Scripted art from department stores “Whether it’s a wall decal or a painting, it just looks… tacky.” Well, excuuuuuuuse me, Martha Stewart!
  12. Airbrushed t-shirts – “Yes these are uncool, but to be fair to grandma, at least she didn’t name any of her kids “Shyanne.” Ok, her grandkids gave her this thinking she would love it. Believe me, it stays in a drawer until you come over.
  13. Conspiracy theories – “Baby boomers are the generation who brought us JFK and moon landing conspiracy theories. It’s no wonder they believe sites like “infowars.freedom.blogz.us” these days.” HAHAHA. Read history. plz. We didn’t invent flat earthers.
  14. NCIS – “And every other cop drama on TV. How many mysteries can there be?” I know, right? I don’t watch that crap.
  15. Sending emails – “Emails are the worst.” Oh, we agree, especially when they begin with “Can you lend me…” Also, did you milennials come up with some telepathic way to communicate? Amazing!
  16. Landlines – “I mean, they practically GIVE landlines away for free these days, but cell phones are so much better.” Until the power goes out and you can’t charge the cell. But I’m sure it’ll never happen. 
  17. Cruises – “Wow, a pre-packaged vacation where you’re trapped on a boat and get to visit another country for two hours and feel like an adventurous traveler!” Look, we schlepped you ungrateful brats across the country to see Mickey and Minnie, took you to your soccer practices, etc. We deserve the vacation we want, whether it’s a cruise or a beach hideaway.
  18. Paper bills – “Ugh. Paperless bills are SO MUCH BETTER. And auto-pay, too! Why would ANYONE do it the old-fashioned way?” Were you running out of things to complain about?
  19. MESSAGES ALL IN CAPS. “IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE YELLING.” Ok, that’s true. But some people do have vision difficulties, so let’s use your bestest millenial compassion, plz.
  20. Retirement funds – “Okay, it’s not really UNCOOL to save for retirement, but when you guys are going to take all the social security funds and we’re going to have to all work forever… it’s more like UNFAIR.” Ok, this is OUR parent’s fault for having unprotected sex and having big families. It’s not our fault. We were made to pay into this all along, too, and now we want some of it back.
  21. Mrs. Dash – “There is a WORLD of spices out there, but you guys are just gonna keep on using Mrs. Dash to spice everything? Okay, whatever.” Yep, now you are really reaching.
  22. Home shopping channels – “We have enough capitalism constantly shoved down our throats. Now there are entire channels dedicated to make you buy stuff you don’t need? Ugh. I hate them, too, especially that jewelry one with all of those diamonds. 
  23. Slacks – “Do these look flattering on any human being?” See: leggings as pants. 
  24. Racquetball -“What is the point of this sport? Who plays this? Why don’t you play tennis?” Sometimes it’s snowing.
  25. Patterned wallpaper – “All wallpaper looks bad, but baby boomers tend to not notice.” No, we’re busy looking at all of the artisinal shit you guys are putting on your fake farmhouses. 
  26. Giant cable TV packages -“You don’t need 100000 channels for $475 a month on five different TVs when all you watch is news and primetime drama. Try Netflix!” Jelly much? Netflix where you find such excellence as that dumb “Lost in Space” reimagining? LOL! HEY, you said 25 and now I’m at 26. NICE TRY.

5 thoughts on “Answering “25 Tragically Uncool Things Baby Boomers Won’t Let Die”

  1. Paula Light 10.28.18 / 1:03 pm

    Heh, clickbait! I know a few ppl still in Yahoo, but I dumped my accounts after the massive hack. Who needs that extra worry?

  2. agedhipster 10.28.18 / 1:45 pm

    Hi!! I still have an account because one group I’m in still uses it. Freecycle. I don’t use to search or for email! In fact, you sent the comment telepathically! Hah.

  3. Lisa Wrobel 10.28.18 / 9:33 pm

    I’ll always have a landline!! Anyone who has tried to get through on 911 should know, freaks, loons and butt dials dominate 911 calls….how do I know? I WAS IN CHARGE OF A CHP DISPATCH CENTER! And when a kid almost drowned in our pool, everyone was on their cells calling 911…we used the house phone and got through right away! Landlines forever!!

  4. Gat2112 11.28.18 / 5:24 pm

    How judgmental, who is the idiot that wrote this that thinks they’re cool? Lmao

  5. Donna Harman 10.26.19 / 11:56 am

    The original comments about boomers had to have been a group effort for fun or controversy. No one person, individual or millennial could be that uninformed or clueless. My favorite is how we’re taking their social security. AHahahaha. Do they think it’s a big government pool of free funds? If they read this, we chipped in our part by working for years. Like a savings account. If you chip in and work 10 years or more, you’ll get yours unless your group falls for the privatization. The government dipped into the till and left iou’s.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s