Because dear husband cannot resist clickbait, he checked out this post, which was in his Facebook feed. I guess that’s another uncool thing we won’t let die: Facebook.
Anyway, to save you the clicks, here is the list. My quips are in blue.
- Diamonds – “Did you know that most jewels are a scam? People purposefully keep the stones out of the market to drive the prices up. Think of all the student loans you could pay off with the money spent on diamonds.” Oh, you mean YOUR student loans? I never had a student loan, and I like shiny things.
- Golf – “This is the most boring sport in the world, it hurts your back, and apparently it only exists as some sort of status symbol. Plus you have to spend tons of money just to start? No thanks.” Ok, I’ll give you this one. Not all boomers like funny, matching outfits and walking around on grass for hours. But we did like “Caddyshack!”
- The Mall. “You can buy everything you want online without any need to go into a crowded store with a terrible parking lot.” Um. The mall parking lots are huge and I can ALWAYS find a spot that I don’t have to pay for. Just stop and smell the Cinnabon. Also, people just steal stuff from your porch if you order online.
- Plain toast. “Make fun of our avocado toast made on artisan bread all you want. But do you know what sucks? Plain, dry toast on boring white sandwich bread.” Ok, this is true. But who eats it that way past the age of 2?
- 24 Hour News Networks – “It’s basically just trash for your brain.” YEP, so who’s watching it? Not me. I include CNN and MSNBC, too, not just Fox.
- Yahoo! – “Who even uses Yahoo! as a search engine or an email address? Oh yeah, baby boomers.” I don’t know. Maybe the reeeeeally old ones. I don’t know one person who uses Yahoo.
- Crocs – ” I don’t care HOW comfortable they are. They still look ridiculous.” They’re cool for nurses when they’re on the job. Don’t have them, and I never had jelly shoes in the 80’s either.
- Reader’s Digest – “Is there something great about Reader’s Digest that makes every single baby boomer jump with joy?” Our grandparents liked it. I had no idea it was still around, and I’m too busy searching on Yahoo and watching 24 hour news.
- Ironing – “It’s so boring. I’d rather let my clothes be a touch wrinkled than spend time ironing everything I own.” Oh, lazy!
- Jorts – “To go with your Crocs, I guess.” And our Member’s Only Jackets! Rilly, those need to have the hem cut off so we can make the fringe.
- Conspiracy theories – “Baby boomers are the generation who brought us JFK and moon landing conspiracy theories. It’s no wonder they believe sites like “infowars.freedom.blogz.us” these days.” HAHAHA. Read history. plz. We didn’t invent flat earthers.
- NCIS – “And every other cop drama on TV. How many mysteries can there be?” I know, right? I don’t watch that crap.
- Sending emails – “Emails are the worst.” Oh, we agree, especially when they begin with “Can you lend me…” Also, did you milennials come up with some telepathic way to communicate? Amazing!
- Landlines – “I mean, they practically GIVE landlines away for free these days, but cell phones are so much better.” Until the power goes out and you can’t charge the cell. But I’m sure it’ll never happen.
- Cruises – “Wow, a pre-packaged vacation where you’re trapped on a boat and get to visit another country for two hours and feel like an adventurous traveler!” Look, we schlepped you ungrateful brats across the country to see Mickey and Minnie, took you to your soccer practices, etc. We deserve the vacation we want, whether it’s a cruise or a beach hideaway.
- Paper bills – “Ugh. Paperless bills are SO MUCH BETTER. And auto-pay, too! Why would ANYONE do it the old-fashioned way?” Were you running out of things to complain about?
- MESSAGES ALL IN CAPS. “IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE YELLING.” Ok, that’s true. But some people do have vision difficulties, so let’s use your bestest millenial compassion, plz.
- Mrs. Dash – “There is a WORLD of spices out there, but you guys are just gonna keep on using Mrs. Dash to spice everything? Okay, whatever.” Yep, now you are really reaching.
- Slacks – “Do these look flattering on any human being?” See: leggings as pants.
Another Aging Hipster 