Because dear husband cannot resist clickbait, he checked out this post, which was in his Facebook feed. I guess that’s another uncool thing we won’t let die: Facebook.
Anyway, to save you the clicks, here is the list. My quips are in blue.
Diamonds – “Did you know that most jewels are a scam? People purposefully keep the stones out of the market to drive the prices up. Think of all the student loans you could pay off with the money spent on diamonds.” Oh, you mean YOUR student loans? I never had a student loan, and I like shiny things.
Golf – “This is the most boring sport in the world, it hurts your back, and apparently it only exists as some sort of status symbol. Plus you have to spend tons of money just to start? No thanks.” Ok, I’ll give you this one. Not all boomers like funny, matching outfits and walking around on grass for hours. But we did like “Caddyshack!”
The Mall. “You can buy everything you want online without any need to go into a crowded store with a terrible parking lot.” Um. The mall parking lots are huge and I can ALWAYS find a spot that I don’t have to pay for. Just stop and smell the Cinnabon. Also, people just steal stuff from your porch if you order online.
Plain toast. “Make fun of our avocado toast made on artisan bread all you want. But do you know what sucks? Plain, dry toast on boring white sandwich bread.” Ok, this is true. But who eats it that way past the age of 2?
24 Hour News Networks – “It’s basically just trash for your brain.” YEP, so who’s watching it? Not me. I include CNN and MSNBC, too, not just Fox.
Yahoo! – “Who even uses Yahoo! as a search engine or an email address? Oh yeah, baby boomers.” I don’t know. Maybe the reeeeeally old ones. I don’t know one person who uses Yahoo.
Crocs – ” I don’t care HOW comfortable they are. They still look ridiculous.” They’re cool for nurses when they’re on the job. Don’t have them, and I never had jelly shoes in the 80’s either.
Reader’s Digest – “Is there something great about Reader’s Digest that makes every single baby boomer jump with joy?” Our grandparents liked it. I had no idea it was still around, and I’m too busy searching on Yahoo and watching 24 hour news.
Ironing – “It’s so boring. I’d rather let my clothes be a touch wrinkled than spend time ironing everything I own.” Oh, lazy!
Jorts – “To go with your Crocs, I guess.” And our Member’s Only Jackets! Rilly, those need to have the hem cut off so we can make the fringe.
Scripted art from department stores “Whether it’s a wall decal or a painting, it just looks… tacky.” Well, excuuuuuuuse me, Martha Stewart!
Airbrushed t-shirts – “Yes these are uncool, but to be fair to grandma, at least she didn’t name any of her kids “Shyanne.” Ok, her grandkids gave her this thinking she would love it. Believe me, it stays in a drawer until you come over.
Conspiracy theories – “Baby boomers are the generation who brought us JFK and moon landing conspiracy theories. It’s no wonder they believe sites like “infowars.freedom.blogz.us” these days.” HAHAHA. Read history. plz. We didn’t invent flat earthers.
NCIS – “And every other cop drama on TV. How many mysteries can there be?” I know, right? I don’t watch that crap.
Sending emails – “Emails are the worst.” Oh, we agree, especially when they begin with “Can you lend me…” Also, did you milennials come up with some telepathic way to communicate? Amazing!
Landlines – “I mean, they practically GIVE landlines away for free these days, but cell phones are so much better.” Until the power goes out and you can’t charge the cell. But I’m sure it’ll never happen.
Cruises – “Wow, a pre-packaged vacation where you’re trapped on a boat and get to visit another country for two hours and feel like an adventurous traveler!” Look, we schlepped you ungrateful brats across the country to see Mickey and Minnie, took you to your soccer practices, etc. We deserve the vacation we want, whether it’s a cruise or a beach hideaway.
Paper bills – “Ugh. Paperless bills are SO MUCH BETTER. And auto-pay, too! Why would ANYONE do it the old-fashioned way?” Were you running out of things to complain about?
MESSAGES ALL IN CAPS. “IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE YELLING.” Ok, that’s true. But some people do have vision difficulties, so let’s use your bestest millenial compassion, plz.
Retirement funds – “Okay, it’s not really UNCOOL to save for retirement, but when you guys are going to take all the social security funds and we’re going to have to all work forever… it’s more like UNFAIR.” Ok, this is OUR parent’s fault for having unprotected sex and having big families. It’s not our fault. We were made to pay into this all along, too, and now we want some of it back.
Mrs. Dash – “There is a WORLD of spices out there, but you guys are just gonna keep on using Mrs. Dash to spice everything? Okay, whatever.” Yep, now you are really reaching.
Home shopping channels – “We have enough capitalism constantly shoved down our throats. Now there are entire channels dedicated to make you buy stuff you don’t need? Ugh. I hate them, too, especially that jewelry one with all of those diamonds.
Slacks – “Do these look flattering on any human being?” See: leggings as pants.
Racquetball -“What is the point of this sport? Who plays this? Why don’t you play tennis?” Sometimes it’s snowing.
Patterned wallpaper – “All wallpaper looks bad, but baby boomers tend to not notice.” No, we’re busy looking at all of the artisinal shit you guys are putting on your fake farmhouses.
Giant cable TV packages -“You don’t need 100000 channels for $475 a month on five different TVs when all you watch is news and primetime drama. Try Netflix!” Jelly much? Netflix where you find such excellence as that dumb “Lost in Space” reimagining? LOL! HEY, you said 25 and now I’m at 26. NICE TRY.
Josh Rouse’s 2015 album The Embers of Time slipped under my radar that year, but I’m finally catching up. (I don’t know how I missed it, I’m a fan.)
One song grabbed me immediately, “New Young.” It opens with a lilting piano part, which leads to a nice harmonica and pedal steel whine, sounding very much like one of my all-time musical heroes, Neil Young.
Now, no, he’s clearly not Neil, but this is a damn spot-on hat tip. Josh excels at capturing the essence of a past sound, which is all over his 1972 and Nashville albums.
In the song, he says
Dreamed about Neil Young last night
Rolled out of bed and rubbed my eyes
I’ll never be that good, you know
“New Young” feels like listening to Neil Young with a better voice. But you be the judge.
In that year, I’ve been listening to music, mostly via Sirius XM (don’t get me started on how they bungled The Loft.) I was a member of the Loft’s Facebook group and the spinoff Loft Refugees, but I quit them both since they devolved into bitch posts about how awful “the suits” are for taking away our treasured station and moving the on-air personalities to other stations. Oh yes, I’ll miss them all, but this has always been the way of radio. It’s a business and when business isn’t making the dough, decisions must be made to reverse the trend. It’s not pleasant, but until someone figures out how to pay the dj’s, pay for studios and electricity, and server space, etc., it’s the way it is. There’s public radio, but even those have constant requests for money via their never-ending pledge drives.
So, I spin Spotify and play my own library on Google music, and I just returned to amy beloved Radio Paradise. They play such an eclectic mix of music, and Bill and Rebecca, the hosts, are very laid-back and don’t interrupt very often. It’s “listener-supported” without the constant begging.
I’ve also discovered archive.org’s vast holdings of concert audio and other tasty delights. Here’s one from The Weepies, whom I’ll be seeing in Medford, MA in just a few weeks. This is from a show they did in 2015.
Well, at least I haz The Regrettes in my list of new music. The band is an LA-based punk outfit, and their sound is definitely punky with a 60’s garage-band twist. The new album, Feel Your Feelings Fool! is streaming on Spotify. Here’s a taste:
I’ve been a fair-to-middlin’ fan of Tift Merritt’s for awhile, never really grabbing on, even though I like her. It really is inexplicable, especially when I listen to her excellent 2004 album, Tambourine, which featured both Mike Campbell and Benmont Tench.
Her latest, Stitch of the World will be released on the Yep Roc label at the end of the month, and this lovely little song is out in the cloud for preview.
Holiday break is over. Let’s get back to it, folks.
In a world where lesser talents (like Mr. Kardashian) get most of the attention, guys like Amos Lee (real name: Ryan Anthony Massaro) keep building and plugging away. Since 2005, the guy has released 6 albums, had songs placed in films and television shows, and has supported tours for Merle Haggard, Bob Dylan, and Norah Jones. He tours as a solo as well, mostly in clubs and cozy theaters. Not bad for a former second grade teacher.